Ella Maisy Purvis, star of C4’s Patience, writes about her first lead role: ‘I’ve learnt how to be an actor on this set… and a person, really’
I often slip into stand-up comedy mode between takes, seeing how many people I can make chuckle, and ultimately overextending myself. Who doesn’t want to hear a nice tight five while they’re changing a lighting rig? The answer is no one, Ella. It’s 4pm and we’ve all been up for 13 hours. But still, I panic and try to make myself as likeable and easy-going on set. I am but a baby in this industry, so there’s this drive inside me to be the so-called perfect actor, branding myself as the best person ever in the world to ever work with ever in the whole universe, early on in my career.
With it being my first major role, I’ve learnt how to be an actor on this set, and a person really. I’m not ashamed to admit I called my mum several times in the first season to ask her how to work the dishwashers in my apartments. I now, a season down, just put a load on. Get me. So grown up.
Somewhere between the dishwashers and the stand-up comedy, I clocked that there’s also a stereotype about autistic women being difficult, cold and aloof. It’s one I vehemently disagree with, but one that lives quietly in my subconscious. Without realising it, I try to appease that neurotypical judgement. Lately, I’ve started to understand that just showing up as myself (quite sensitive and often chronically tired) is more than enough.
Now, this is me bringing my anxieties and insecurities to the forefront, when in reality being on the set of Patience is joyous. Often the work day finishes and my stomach hurts from laughing (mainly at my own jokes, but that’s the cost of being hilarious, I guess). I work amongst friends all day doing silly things, wearing cool clothes and soaking in everything happening around me.
A minute for Patience’s fashion, though. She loves a matching belt and sock. I mean, I’m lucky if I have a clean pair of socks, let alone a matching set. And yet, as I write this, sitting in a coffee shop with my massive headphones blasting Donny Hathaway, I’m wearing a pair of woolly socks that lovely Jessica (Hynes) gave me. So cosy. Anyway, enough about the socks.
Playing Patience will forever remain a very special role. I even did the classic actor thing and got matching tattoos with… well, only Nathan (Welsh), but still, we’ve both got little ‘P’s on our arms. And soon I think we’ll be able to convince Maarten (Moerkerke), our director, to get one too.
Here’s what a usual day on set looks like. I’m up around 5am, chug a cold strong black coffee, immediately regret it, jump in the shower, bleary-eyed and nauseous, then switch it to cold at the last minute to shock myself awake. I throw on some clothes and stand outside 15 minutes early in the dark, cold dawn air, waiting for my fellow comrades to arrive. That time is sacred. I notice how anxious I feel, how wired I am about the scenes we have to shoot later. But the second we’re all in the car and the banter starts, it melts away.
Makeup. Costume. Laughing. Get to set. More laughing. Less anxiety. Finish a scene. Hungry. A spike of nerves. More laughing. Lunch. Suddenly, the day is over.
The anxiety usually comes from realising what I’m actually doing. Once we move on from a shot, whatever my face and body have done will be immortalised on TV forever. That dawns on me often. It’s a strange thing to soothe. But what’s wonderful is that my alien-like face, all frowning and pouting and grimacing, is what people respond to most. My mum’s friends say how much I look like her when I’m displeased or intrigued, which is genuinely the best compliment ever.
Autistic people aren’t robots. We often wear our hearts on our sleeves, and to an extent Patience and I both do. I love reading in the scripts: “Patience does her tell-tale sound/face of disagreement.” I see how far I can push the comedy before Maarten reins me back. Honestly, firewall of fun. What do you mean she doesn’t stick her tongue out and make a fart sound? He knows best though. It’s his baby, really. He’s more Patience than me.
People are often surprised by how different I am to her. I’m flattered, but I always say the same thing: if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. Patience isn’t a universal autistic woman. Quite the opposite. She has a very specific life story that shapes her, just like anyone else’s would. But because the role is authentically cast, people often tell me how meaningful it is to see a mainstream television show leading the way on representation.
It’s not hard. And even though I might give you a nice tight five while you’re working, I promise I’m a pleasure to be around.